This isn't goodbye

Hello blogger.
I take it back. I take my last post back.

You see, i already created a wordpress blog, but that doesn't mean i'll transfer there and leave this. No. This is where i started and i love this. I think i will not even change the site name, secludedidentity.

This is my first step in blogging, and i don't want to forget that. I think i'll post there more often, after this. I just want you guys (if there are any readers, or if someone is reading this right now) to know that my next post and succeeding ones will probably be straight to wordpress. I thought about transferring all my posts here to there, but after some time of thinking, i think i won't do that :) This page holds memories for myself.

Thank you for showing me the world to blogging, blogger, but wordpress is better. Don't worry, i won't forget you. (i'm being dramatic here. lololol~)

Anyways, i'm a bit revealing myself now. It's not "Veronika McBerry" anymore. It's another pen name, yes, but it is closer to me, 'cos i'm treating this new name as my second official (i'm sorry if i'm using the word 'official' here, i'm not famous and all, but you know.... i just want to... clear...tho i don't have something to clear..just bare with me on this) username :)

Also, my Tumblr account is linked in here, and i acknowledge my Tumblr blog using my real name :)

So, this isn't goodbye, i'm just transferring to other blogsite, feel free to visit it, the link is in this page :)
'Till my next post in here!
:D

The day i attempted to make a Wordpress blog

Today i decided to create a blog at wordpress.com.
Now blogger, don't be jealous. I deleted it after 20 mins.

Why?

Because it's COMPLICATED.

Really, it is complicated and i want to make my life simpler. I think it is not for me. I think full-time blogging is not for me. I have other responsibilities than my virtual life, i have a lot of things to do in my real life.

Having a wordpress is hella annoying. It's complicated. Complicated. I don't want complications.
What truly complicates it is its settings and how you beautify your blog. And unlike a typical starter, i want it to be beautiful already even if i'm new in there. I'm a perfectionist. I want everything to be in my way, i don't want any flaw. And it's hard to beautify that site. I guess i'm not yet into full-time blogging like what i said earlier.

Also, i don't want to own an ugly website. If i know that i can't manage to beautify it within minutes or couple of hours, i'll better not continue it. I created my blogger account on summer, and i actually don't have anything to do that time. So it's okay for me to take time to make my blog look like a pro. But considering my situation now, i'm kinda busy with my studies, being a college student. I can't even post in here regularly, like i took some time before posting a new one.

But i have to admit, WP is better than blogger (sorry google, just saying the truth).
And i'm looking forward for the time that i'll be able to do a blog in there in my own perfect way. Not just now 'cos actually, i have a lot of things to do, projects and reports but i'm not doing it. Hahaha.

It's actually raining and i feel really cold. I want to sleep the whole day thinking about SE *bleep*

Another point, i think i'll have actual readers there. You know what i mean, 'cos i think no one really reads my blog except me. I think if i'm not me, i'll still read this blog. (not sure if i'm saying this because i'm me)

Vas happenin to me.

Got all the ideas juggled up, but for conclusion, wp is complicated even though i want to create one, i couldn't 'cos it's complicated. See?

I also have my tumblr. Don't want anymore big responsibilities in the internet.
Actually, i think of my accounts as my responsibility, and i feel i have a power to do whatever i want with these, but my name is in here. Like, i love my name and i don't want to mess up in the cyberworld.

Boyfie Talk

It's already August !
Sooo.. i didn't post much updates last July. Yeah, it's school :/

I missed posting in here tho :)
Our midterms were already done, and i'm satisfied with my grades so far :) I really thank God 'cos i'm doing well in almost all of my subjects. I don't want to put my parents' money in the waste, and that serves as my inspiration to study...well?

Some of the people thinks i'm really into studying, but in reality, it's untrue. I mean, i think i'm just doing okay-okay in class, and i just do what i have to do.

To be honest, i'm so happy when i'm being on top (of course) but i don't want to make it a big deal 'cos first of all, i don't want some people hating on me because of it. I don't want them to think that i'm boastful. I don't want to be the center of attention. I don't like compliments (well, maybe i like it, yes. But i don't know how to take it. Do i have to smile? or what?), maybe i'm just not used to it. Second, i don't want myself to be always in this position, 'cos maybe one day i'll realize i'm not used to failure anymore. I don't want failure, of course. But it's a part of our life. It's natural. And i, being on top always might make me forget what it's like to fail, and when i experience it once again, the feeling might be foreign and i won't be able to handle it. (I'm babbling, sorry)

I know myself. I know enough about my weaknesses and strengths, and it's a good think to know yourself deeper, because sometimes you'll be the only one to understand your feelings and everything.

--

My classmate told me about some guy (or boy) who has a crush on me (and he's handsome, according to her). So she told me about this in our accounting subject, and i felt myself blush that's why i responded to her in a funny way, like i treated it as a joke. After that, i did not ask her about it anymore, because i don't like her to think that i'm happy 'cos someone likes me (another) BECAUSE it's embarrassing. Haha :)
But tbh, i really want to know who is it.... I'm happy because someone likes me... and i'm not likeable... I mean, i NEVER had a boyfriend and i'm 16. Yes, it's normal.

But sometimes i think i'm the only who has never been in a relationship. It saddens me tho...
Everybody's like "you're already 16, for sure you had a boyfriend before."

The reason i don't have a boyfriend, and i never had one, is because there's no one. There's just no one. Even in high school, no one. I know this boy that had a crush on me on high school, but i don't like him. He's my friend, but i just don't. No. No. No. I don't want to describe him.

I never had someone whom i like and liked me back. But others.... i envy them. I'm just saying the truth. I know inside me, i envy them.

I can't even imagine myself with a boyfriend 'cos i don't know? Maybe after college, i still won't have, even one. Of course, i want to experience puppy love, i think it's part of being a teenager and i'm already 16. I want to experience being liked by someone, romantically.

WAIT BUT I DON'T THINK ABOUT GETTING PREGGY AT MY AGE. Just making it clear !

I want to have a boyfriend even if it will just last for one week. I hope when i'll be on a relationship in my college life, it won't distract me in my studies. 'Cos i don't know myself when it comes to this.

And i also think that i have high standards for a boyfriend. I mean, everyone's first boyfriend should pass in her standards. Because, he's the first. We all want our firsts to be perfect (even though sometimes, our firsts are disasters) and i want my first boyfriend to somehow, pass all my ideal standards. I know, i sound demanding. Haha :) If i'm demanding, then i'm demanding. (wut)

I'll just wait for that guy who'll be my first boyfie evaaah.
And i'll let him read this post.
I'm daring myself :)
Whether i'm already 20+ or what age, i'll make sure he'll read this. ;)

My ideal guy is like Stefan Salvatore, minus the vampire thingy. Hashtag: just saying

It's  either you're
a. Stefan Salvatore (human)
b. Paul Wesley

in any aspect.

And when I already found my first boyfie (of course, he'll never be Pauley) it means that SOMEHOW, i found my ideal guys' qualities on him.

Hashtag: Forever alone
Hashtag: Miracles do happen

Speak to me in English

It's been a while since my last post! Yep, it's because of college. It's actually our midterm week. We just took a test in Sociology and Economics, and tomorrow, there's a test about Management and English. And, on Saturday (it's Thursday today) we have a test on Accounting and Psychology. I'll literally experience brain drain this week.

But still, i have some time to post in my blog. I actually missed this, and i was reading a blog lately and i remembered to post in my own one. There are times when i open my blogger account, and i just let it in tab, without doing anything. It's like i made a mental note in my head that after what i'm doing (which is twittering, tumblring -- new words. haha!) i'll post something. But laziness comes in the way and before i knew it, i already clicked that little "x" button and continue to do what i'm doing, forgetting my urge to post in here.

Anyways, i won't post about my 'college life' today. I'll post about this guy, who is my aunt's nephew, but he's not my cousin (there are instances like that FYI) and he's from US, but he's a pure Filipino. He grew up there, he's already 24 years old (he's a big guy) and he has this American accent. When he speaks, if you're just hearing his voice, you would think that he's really an American. It's very cool, i like hearing him speak, tbh.

However, as much as i want to, i don't talk to him. It's not that i can't speak in English, it's that i'm afraid i'll sound stupid, in front of my family -- that's embarrassing. He looks nice and he likes partying, i think.

~My very cute nephew (he's 10 months old) is bothering me right now, while i'm typing, and this is very hard.~


I talk in English at school, when i'm with my close friend, and we both talk to English when we're in mood. It really helps us to feel confident and at the same time, we practice it. I think if our school will strictly implement speaking using English, i'll be good at it. Practice makes perfect, really. (Don't tell me nobody's perfect, but it's not the literal meaning of 'perfect' that that quote is using.)

Medyo galit ako sa pilosopo, lalo na kapag ako'y seryoso. Haha :D

But i'm not a very serious type of person, i know how to have fun ^.^

So that's it. It's just that i kinda get intimidated by him. Lol.
I really really want to speak in  English. But since that i don't have someone to talk to in that language, i don't have a choice but just to talk in here. Or type. In. Here. :/