Boyfie Talk

It's already August !
Sooo.. i didn't post much updates last July. Yeah, it's school :/

I missed posting in here tho :)
Our midterms were already done, and i'm satisfied with my grades so far :) I really thank God 'cos i'm doing well in almost all of my subjects. I don't want to put my parents' money in the waste, and that serves as my inspiration to study...well?

Some of the people thinks i'm really into studying, but in reality, it's untrue. I mean, i think i'm just doing okay-okay in class, and i just do what i have to do.

To be honest, i'm so happy when i'm being on top (of course) but i don't want to make it a big deal 'cos first of all, i don't want some people hating on me because of it. I don't want them to think that i'm boastful. I don't want to be the center of attention. I don't like compliments (well, maybe i like it, yes. But i don't know how to take it. Do i have to smile? or what?), maybe i'm just not used to it. Second, i don't want myself to be always in this position, 'cos maybe one day i'll realize i'm not used to failure anymore. I don't want failure, of course. But it's a part of our life. It's natural. And i, being on top always might make me forget what it's like to fail, and when i experience it once again, the feeling might be foreign and i won't be able to handle it. (I'm babbling, sorry)

I know myself. I know enough about my weaknesses and strengths, and it's a good think to know yourself deeper, because sometimes you'll be the only one to understand your feelings and everything.

--

My classmate told me about some guy (or boy) who has a crush on me (and he's handsome, according to her). So she told me about this in our accounting subject, and i felt myself blush that's why i responded to her in a funny way, like i treated it as a joke. After that, i did not ask her about it anymore, because i don't like her to think that i'm happy 'cos someone likes me (another) BECAUSE it's embarrassing. Haha :)
But tbh, i really want to know who is it.... I'm happy because someone likes me... and i'm not likeable... I mean, i NEVER had a boyfriend and i'm 16. Yes, it's normal.

But sometimes i think i'm the only who has never been in a relationship. It saddens me tho...
Everybody's like "you're already 16, for sure you had a boyfriend before."

The reason i don't have a boyfriend, and i never had one, is because there's no one. There's just no one. Even in high school, no one. I know this boy that had a crush on me on high school, but i don't like him. He's my friend, but i just don't. No. No. No. I don't want to describe him.

I never had someone whom i like and liked me back. But others.... i envy them. I'm just saying the truth. I know inside me, i envy them.

I can't even imagine myself with a boyfriend 'cos i don't know? Maybe after college, i still won't have, even one. Of course, i want to experience puppy love, i think it's part of being a teenager and i'm already 16. I want to experience being liked by someone, romantically.

WAIT BUT I DON'T THINK ABOUT GETTING PREGGY AT MY AGE. Just making it clear !

I want to have a boyfriend even if it will just last for one week. I hope when i'll be on a relationship in my college life, it won't distract me in my studies. 'Cos i don't know myself when it comes to this.

And i also think that i have high standards for a boyfriend. I mean, everyone's first boyfriend should pass in her standards. Because, he's the first. We all want our firsts to be perfect (even though sometimes, our firsts are disasters) and i want my first boyfriend to somehow, pass all my ideal standards. I know, i sound demanding. Haha :) If i'm demanding, then i'm demanding. (wut)

I'll just wait for that guy who'll be my first boyfie evaaah.
And i'll let him read this post.
I'm daring myself :)
Whether i'm already 20+ or what age, i'll make sure he'll read this. ;)

My ideal guy is like Stefan Salvatore, minus the vampire thingy. Hashtag: just saying

It's  either you're
a. Stefan Salvatore (human)
b. Paul Wesley

in any aspect.

And when I already found my first boyfie (of course, he'll never be Pauley) it means that SOMEHOW, i found my ideal guys' qualities on him.

Hashtag: Forever alone
Hashtag: Miracles do happen