This isn't goodbye

Hello blogger.
I take it back. I take my last post back.

You see, i already created a wordpress blog, but that doesn't mean i'll transfer there and leave this. No. This is where i started and i love this. I think i will not even change the site name, secludedidentity.

This is my first step in blogging, and i don't want to forget that. I think i'll post there more often, after this. I just want you guys (if there are any readers, or if someone is reading this right now) to know that my next post and succeeding ones will probably be straight to wordpress. I thought about transferring all my posts here to there, but after some time of thinking, i think i won't do that :) This page holds memories for myself.

Thank you for showing me the world to blogging, blogger, but wordpress is better. Don't worry, i won't forget you. (i'm being dramatic here. lololol~)

Anyways, i'm a bit revealing myself now. It's not "Veronika McBerry" anymore. It's another pen name, yes, but it is closer to me, 'cos i'm treating this new name as my second official (i'm sorry if i'm using the word 'official' here, i'm not famous and all, but you know.... i just want to... clear...tho i don't have something to clear..just bare with me on this) username :)

Also, my Tumblr account is linked in here, and i acknowledge my Tumblr blog using my real name :)

So, this isn't goodbye, i'm just transferring to other blogsite, feel free to visit it, the link is in this page :)
'Till my next post in here!
:D

The day i attempted to make a Wordpress blog

Today i decided to create a blog at wordpress.com.
Now blogger, don't be jealous. I deleted it after 20 mins.

Why?

Because it's COMPLICATED.

Really, it is complicated and i want to make my life simpler. I think it is not for me. I think full-time blogging is not for me. I have other responsibilities than my virtual life, i have a lot of things to do in my real life.

Having a wordpress is hella annoying. It's complicated. Complicated. I don't want complications.
What truly complicates it is its settings and how you beautify your blog. And unlike a typical starter, i want it to be beautiful already even if i'm new in there. I'm a perfectionist. I want everything to be in my way, i don't want any flaw. And it's hard to beautify that site. I guess i'm not yet into full-time blogging like what i said earlier.

Also, i don't want to own an ugly website. If i know that i can't manage to beautify it within minutes or couple of hours, i'll better not continue it. I created my blogger account on summer, and i actually don't have anything to do that time. So it's okay for me to take time to make my blog look like a pro. But considering my situation now, i'm kinda busy with my studies, being a college student. I can't even post in here regularly, like i took some time before posting a new one.

But i have to admit, WP is better than blogger (sorry google, just saying the truth).
And i'm looking forward for the time that i'll be able to do a blog in there in my own perfect way. Not just now 'cos actually, i have a lot of things to do, projects and reports but i'm not doing it. Hahaha.

It's actually raining and i feel really cold. I want to sleep the whole day thinking about SE *bleep*

Another point, i think i'll have actual readers there. You know what i mean, 'cos i think no one really reads my blog except me. I think if i'm not me, i'll still read this blog. (not sure if i'm saying this because i'm me)

Vas happenin to me.

Got all the ideas juggled up, but for conclusion, wp is complicated even though i want to create one, i couldn't 'cos it's complicated. See?

I also have my tumblr. Don't want anymore big responsibilities in the internet.
Actually, i think of my accounts as my responsibility, and i feel i have a power to do whatever i want with these, but my name is in here. Like, i love my name and i don't want to mess up in the cyberworld.

Boyfie Talk

It's already August !
Sooo.. i didn't post much updates last July. Yeah, it's school :/

I missed posting in here tho :)
Our midterms were already done, and i'm satisfied with my grades so far :) I really thank God 'cos i'm doing well in almost all of my subjects. I don't want to put my parents' money in the waste, and that serves as my inspiration to study...well?

Some of the people thinks i'm really into studying, but in reality, it's untrue. I mean, i think i'm just doing okay-okay in class, and i just do what i have to do.

To be honest, i'm so happy when i'm being on top (of course) but i don't want to make it a big deal 'cos first of all, i don't want some people hating on me because of it. I don't want them to think that i'm boastful. I don't want to be the center of attention. I don't like compliments (well, maybe i like it, yes. But i don't know how to take it. Do i have to smile? or what?), maybe i'm just not used to it. Second, i don't want myself to be always in this position, 'cos maybe one day i'll realize i'm not used to failure anymore. I don't want failure, of course. But it's a part of our life. It's natural. And i, being on top always might make me forget what it's like to fail, and when i experience it once again, the feeling might be foreign and i won't be able to handle it. (I'm babbling, sorry)

I know myself. I know enough about my weaknesses and strengths, and it's a good think to know yourself deeper, because sometimes you'll be the only one to understand your feelings and everything.

--

My classmate told me about some guy (or boy) who has a crush on me (and he's handsome, according to her). So she told me about this in our accounting subject, and i felt myself blush that's why i responded to her in a funny way, like i treated it as a joke. After that, i did not ask her about it anymore, because i don't like her to think that i'm happy 'cos someone likes me (another) BECAUSE it's embarrassing. Haha :)
But tbh, i really want to know who is it.... I'm happy because someone likes me... and i'm not likeable... I mean, i NEVER had a boyfriend and i'm 16. Yes, it's normal.

But sometimes i think i'm the only who has never been in a relationship. It saddens me tho...
Everybody's like "you're already 16, for sure you had a boyfriend before."

The reason i don't have a boyfriend, and i never had one, is because there's no one. There's just no one. Even in high school, no one. I know this boy that had a crush on me on high school, but i don't like him. He's my friend, but i just don't. No. No. No. I don't want to describe him.

I never had someone whom i like and liked me back. But others.... i envy them. I'm just saying the truth. I know inside me, i envy them.

I can't even imagine myself with a boyfriend 'cos i don't know? Maybe after college, i still won't have, even one. Of course, i want to experience puppy love, i think it's part of being a teenager and i'm already 16. I want to experience being liked by someone, romantically.

WAIT BUT I DON'T THINK ABOUT GETTING PREGGY AT MY AGE. Just making it clear !

I want to have a boyfriend even if it will just last for one week. I hope when i'll be on a relationship in my college life, it won't distract me in my studies. 'Cos i don't know myself when it comes to this.

And i also think that i have high standards for a boyfriend. I mean, everyone's first boyfriend should pass in her standards. Because, he's the first. We all want our firsts to be perfect (even though sometimes, our firsts are disasters) and i want my first boyfriend to somehow, pass all my ideal standards. I know, i sound demanding. Haha :) If i'm demanding, then i'm demanding. (wut)

I'll just wait for that guy who'll be my first boyfie evaaah.
And i'll let him read this post.
I'm daring myself :)
Whether i'm already 20+ or what age, i'll make sure he'll read this. ;)

My ideal guy is like Stefan Salvatore, minus the vampire thingy. Hashtag: just saying

It's  either you're
a. Stefan Salvatore (human)
b. Paul Wesley

in any aspect.

And when I already found my first boyfie (of course, he'll never be Pauley) it means that SOMEHOW, i found my ideal guys' qualities on him.

Hashtag: Forever alone
Hashtag: Miracles do happen

Speak to me in English

It's been a while since my last post! Yep, it's because of college. It's actually our midterm week. We just took a test in Sociology and Economics, and tomorrow, there's a test about Management and English. And, on Saturday (it's Thursday today) we have a test on Accounting and Psychology. I'll literally experience brain drain this week.

But still, i have some time to post in my blog. I actually missed this, and i was reading a blog lately and i remembered to post in my own one. There are times when i open my blogger account, and i just let it in tab, without doing anything. It's like i made a mental note in my head that after what i'm doing (which is twittering, tumblring -- new words. haha!) i'll post something. But laziness comes in the way and before i knew it, i already clicked that little "x" button and continue to do what i'm doing, forgetting my urge to post in here.

Anyways, i won't post about my 'college life' today. I'll post about this guy, who is my aunt's nephew, but he's not my cousin (there are instances like that FYI) and he's from US, but he's a pure Filipino. He grew up there, he's already 24 years old (he's a big guy) and he has this American accent. When he speaks, if you're just hearing his voice, you would think that he's really an American. It's very cool, i like hearing him speak, tbh.

However, as much as i want to, i don't talk to him. It's not that i can't speak in English, it's that i'm afraid i'll sound stupid, in front of my family -- that's embarrassing. He looks nice and he likes partying, i think.

~My very cute nephew (he's 10 months old) is bothering me right now, while i'm typing, and this is very hard.~


I talk in English at school, when i'm with my close friend, and we both talk to English when we're in mood. It really helps us to feel confident and at the same time, we practice it. I think if our school will strictly implement speaking using English, i'll be good at it. Practice makes perfect, really. (Don't tell me nobody's perfect, but it's not the literal meaning of 'perfect' that that quote is using.)

Medyo galit ako sa pilosopo, lalo na kapag ako'y seryoso. Haha :D

But i'm not a very serious type of person, i know how to have fun ^.^

So that's it. It's just that i kinda get intimidated by him. Lol.
I really really want to speak in  English. But since that i don't have someone to talk to in that language, i don't have a choice but just to talk in here. Or type. In. Here. :/

Fail Crush

It's been a while since my last 'long' post :)
All i do in life is study and then go back home and then school then home, school then home. When i'm at home, i say to myself tat i'll study when i got the time at our house, but when i'm resting already, i feel so lazy that i will end up not doing anything. That's hard. Can't control myself from being lazy. :|

Anyways, i want to tell you guys about me.. having a crush on my blockmate.. Well, he's not so handsome, he's okay, but i could say he's got the looks. I do usually look at the physical appearance of a person, and i got attracted to him. He's a bit chubby, but for me, it's okay and normal. I want huggable persons, y'know. Back to my crush, i also like his voice. It's deep (like Paul Wesley, my celebrity crush) and he's smart. I really do have a crush on him, but i kept it simple and not-so obsessed. It's just a simple crush, and i think to myself, i'm just pushing it so i'll have an inspiration or someone to look at and be happy when i'm bored. Sometimes, i also get jealous when he's talking to other girls, but i don't really mind it, and obviously, i don't have the rights to be.

We're talking, yes, but only sometimes when he approaches me. I like it when he does that, he'll just look at me and then speaks or he'll touch me with the tip of his pointing finger (kalabit, in Tagalog). But he never said my name :( That's kinda sad because i say his name, i call him. Maybe i don't have an effect on him or he's just treating me like a blockmate, nothing else (like even as a friend). Okay, i accepted that. It's okay, it's just a crush, no big deal.

However, my other blockmate (a girl) told me something that really turned me off. It's about my crush (no one knows that i have a crush on him, (i just said it in here, tho i didn't mentioned his name) and it really is a turn off. My blockmate said that my crush was saying something aloud during our PE class, and she said he really was saying it aloud, he knew that there were people hearing him. And that "something" that he was saying was kinda disgusting (hint: it's naughty, you could associate it with making out). So see? It really was .. ugh.

So i was turned off, not able to believe that he said that, because he doesn't look like one saying those things. But my close blockmate told me to even ask the others, but i didn't because it's embarrassing.
His Twitter username is kinda naughty too, but i didn't mind it at first, only now that i know what he does.. I mean, for sure he does that "something" sometimes, because he's capable of saying it aloud.
Hayy.. :/

This is it for now, just want to share with you my disappointment...having a crush on a...nothing.

One liner post

I'm writing my seven-page autobiography today. I thought it's easy, but no-o-oh.

My Heart and Head's Secret Place

Being in college is really a hard phase in life. No breaks. Can't slow down. I actually do have an assignment to finish and notes to write down but i'm posting here. Well, it's Sunday today, and when it's Sunday, we take our breaks from a stressful week. But Sunday is also stressful, so there's actually no breaks.

In NSTP, we have to prepare a dance number for the program where our group will be the sponsor. This is hard for me because i'm not a dancer. I'm not good in dancing but sometimes i believe i do have a talent in that field, though the problem is i don't practice it. But because i have to participate in order to pass the subject, i'll do everything in my power. Lol.

Anyways, i know deep inside that i want people i know to read my blogs to let them now that i have a blog. Having a blog, in my perspective, makes you smart and cool. Haha! Sometimes i think that because i have a blog, i fit in. Though it's not my major purpose why i created this. Going back, there are times that i'm thankful that nobody knows me reads my blog (as far as i know). Well, this blog is not connected to any of my social media accounts where i use my real name. This is connected to the accounts where i use my pen name. So i'm confident that no one really knows who's typing these words. You ask why? Well because of what i said in here. It's because what i post in here. This is the only place where i don't (or don't have to) pretend. I say what i wanna say, what i feel, what i think. And yes, i don't want people knowing what's in my head or in my heart because it will make me vulnerable to their eyes.

I so badly want to post in Filipino but i'm practicing my English. Maybe next time. :)

This is it for the week! Haha :) I could barely post because of my busy schedule ...

So...How's College?

Hell-O!
Survived the first two days of college. So far, i kinda like all the teachers that i've met and my blockmates.. they're okay. I'm happy to say that i have my own circle of friends now and i like them.

I'm actually doing a society and culture assignment, it has a lot of researching to do but i'm here, posting an update. I feel like i have to do this because it will make me feel better. Writing makes me feel better.

There are many assignments, and one of them is i have to buy a textbook first, but i couldn't (don't have money). The assignment's going to be passed on Monday, today is Tuesday, but we'll have class on Thursday. I don't want to waste the time i want to do it now and read the book, but i don't have it. My family will have money on Saturday, so i'll wait for that day. It'll be hard because i have classes on weekends, but i'll deal with it.

As much as i want to post in Filipino, i think i should not, because i'm practicing my English in here. I'm practicing to express myself using English words, because the professors said that they will give essays on exams. And i want to pass all my subjects so bad.

Like in high school, there will be groups of friends -- like, there are group of girls who are "kikays" and "sosyal" and they like to make "beso-beso" when saying goodbye. I'm not that type of girl. And i'm not surprised that in our section, there's a group like that. I call them "girls generation" (you know the k-pop group..of course you know it! they're the most popular girl group, right?) because they are always together, and they're kinda maarte. I don't like them. I just don't like people who are like that. I don't like. Me no like.

Just want to say it out loud. I don't have someone whom i could tell that to. Though like what i said, i have group of friends (we're six) but i'm being careful because it's just the second day. Who knows, maybe eventually she'll be close to the girls generation and she might tell them what i said before and you know what will be next to that. I don't want bullies. I don't want to be bullied.

What else.. hmm.. I like the uniform, i could say. The profs, i like them, but i'm a little bit afraid to ... I'll just keep it in myself ;)

This is it for today :) Gotta go back to doing my assignments :)
Thanks!

What happens when you pretend to be Nina Dobrev

This may be my last post this May :) I'm going to start college next Monday, (May 27). I'm sure i'll be busy and there's a chance i won't be able to post here for a long time.

This blog helped me a lot in releasing my emotions, this is where i say what i feel and this is one of the reasons why my summer 2013 had been amazing. I actually created two blogs, one in blogspot and one in tumblr this summer. Maybe this is due to boredom in the internet world and in real life.

I'm still confused if i'm going to wear my uniform at the first day of college or dress up with casual clothes first. I asked many of my friends, and the majority of them said that i should wear them. But i'm still confused. Making decisions for myself is really hard, because i don't want to end up regretting something, that's why i ask dozens of opinions first before i decide.

Anyways, i want to say that i made an instagram account, a few minutes ago. And i joined WeChat also. Guess i want to be in in the trends nowadays, though i don't want to expose myself completely in the cyber world. It's pretty dangerous y'know.

Speaking of exposing myself in the out, i want to share to you guys this experience of mine.

Like i said earlier, i joined WeChat and because i don't want to show the people my real picture and i don't want my account to look like a ghost (without a pic), i placed a picture of Nina Dobrev -- because she is my idol (The Vampire Diaries, remember? i'm obsessed.)

Now, this guy, chatted with me and he actually thought that it was ME in the pic. It's not just one guy, but i think all of them believed that it was me. I didn't know that they don't know Nina Dobrev. That she's the one in the pic, because she's famous. Maybe they just don't watch tv shows. So... this guy.. told me that i'm "pretty" i actually don't know how to react. I feel sad for them because they thought they're chatting with a gorgeous lady (i'm not saying i'm not pretty..but Nina Dobrev is a millionth time prettier than me). However, i couldn't stand it, that whenever someone told me that i'm beautiful or what (in the middle of a conversation) i tell them that 'oh no that's not me, you know Nina Dobrev, that's her' and then they were like 'oh i don't know her, can i see your pic' -- and that's really annoying.

BUT one time, this good looking guy chatted me and he's so fun to talk to unlike the others. And he also thought i was the gorgeous girl in the pic. I didn't say 'no' but i didn't said 'yes', but i'm guilty -- yes, i'm guilty -- because it's like i let him think that i was that beautiful. I changed it, i look for a rare pic of Nina where she plays Elena Gilbert and i photoscaped it, i use the black and white effect bruttaly on the pic and then i cropped it a little. That way, he won't easily identify the real face or recognize Nina and he won't find the pic easily. I changed it for like two times, doing the same effects. And he actually thought it was really me and he said i'm "pretty" and i was happy but GUILTY at the same time. 

Time passed by while chatting, and he also changed his pic. And i didn't like it. Because he looks not so handsome, i mean compared to the first pic that he used. When i say not-so-handsome, it really is. When i clicked the photo, i felt scared, really. Because he looks kinda old, he's 24 but he looks old. I kinda freaked out in my mind and i immediately said good night because i was bothered. He said good morning the next day but i didn't reply. Then when i looked at his pic again, it was changed again. Thankfully. And it was better, as in wayyy so much better. He looked more handsome in his pic now (compared to the first one) and he wore shades. Good.

Before everything happened, i changed my pic into a car. I took a picture inside a car when we went to Laguna and it's obviously a window view of a car. That is my display picture when he changed it to his latest pic. When we chat 'normally' again, i'm still a car and his pic is the latest one. Today, i changed my pic into myself (it's really really me) but it has threshold and blur effect. Well, at least it's me.

I really felt guilty when i pretended that it's really me in that pic, and i let the i-thought-handsome guy believe it was me, while i admit it to the rest of the guys who chatted with me that it's not me, it's Nina Dobrev.

After everything (the WeChat experience), i think i learned my lesson. I'll never pretend that i'm Nina. LOL. For real, i'll never pretend that i'm the person in the picture who people think i am. Especially if it's my idol's picture.

This is the picture that i used first, btw :

She is REALLY PRETTY. ALMOST PERFECT. I LOVE YOU NINA!!!!

Ok. That's it. I'm gonna finish this post before i fangirl so much in this pic of Nina. See? It's really beautiful ! How can someone think that this beautiful almost perfect girl would join WeChat? Obviously, by the pic, you could tell that she is someone whose famous, maybe a model.

Some are just..whatever. Haha !

College is coming

Hello :)
Next week is the start of my college life. This is the end of summer 2013 :(
To be honest, i'm not yet ready, but i'm excited. I'm excited because everything will be new. My classmates, the place, the teachers (or should i say, professors). I'm excited for a change, but i'm nervous also. I don't know anyone and i don't have any idea what will i do. The only thing that i know is to be myself, be confident, and don't show anyone that you're dumbfounded. Haha !

How i wish someone will be friendly to me. It's kinds hard to make friends if they're snobbish. I wish someone's going to approach me and be willing to be my friend.

I need a lot of advice today. I have a lot of questions to myself about college. What would it be like? I'm kinda scared starting everything again.

Why do i have to hide?

Being anonymous gives you the feeling of being powerful, yet protected.

If that makes me weak, then i am. And i don't care if you think of me that way.
I should stop caring what other people thinks of me, because i should live my life happily, in my own will.

New profile picture

Just changed my profile photo in google :)

I've been thinking about changing it lately.

This is my past profile picture, and to be honest, i just got it from google. All hail google. I picked this because it has similarities with me, but only i have a dark skin tone. I have a short hair and i wore glasses and my lips looks exactly like that. But i don't look like her. I searched for "i made face app" so that i could create my on cartoonized face, but it seems like the app is not available in the net. I think it's only for Iphone.

I just searched "i made face pics" and then i looked for not so obvious pics, like that.

My new profile picture, is Nina Dobrev as Katerina Petrova in The Vampire Diaries. She's soooooo beautiful *_* I actually have a lot of options but i picked this because even though she's not completely looking at the camera (i imagined that she's not showing her face and it fit in my blog's name secluded) but you know that she's beautiful, and you could see it. I really want to change my prof pic into something connected to The Vampire Diaries, because i love love love it. <3

I also thought about posting my real picture, as in my real face, but i though for like, a hundred times. I already edited it, using the threshold effect so that there's only 5% chance that someone i know would recognize me. I also thought of using the color pencil and embossing effect in photoscape. I reached the point  where i already clicked the "change photo" button and uploaded my own pic, and after it loaded, i clicked the cancel button. I think this picture of Katerina is better than my own and i will be more comfortable. Haha. I'm not yet ready to expose the real me. Someone might recognize me and report me to the grammar police! (if you know what i mean)
Sorry for my bad English, this is not my mother tongue. I'm really trying, and i think that this is a good practice to be good in English. I'm thinking of posting an update using my own language. Someday.
    
So that is that :) Just wanna share to you, guys the changes i made :)

Best apps for me Part 2

Hey guys !
It's been a very long time since my last post -- the post which talks about apps and expected to have a continuation. So this is it, the part 2 of the best apps for me :)

Before discussing the apps, just want to say that i changed some apps that i already mentioned in my past post. I've changed it, because i found an app that has the same function, only better. Of course, we should settle for what's best.

Like the Du Battery saver, i replaced it with "Easy Battery Saver" and the Clean Master, i replaced it with "Easy Task Killer."

The battery saver and the task killer has the same maker and i think the two apps are really partners. This is the best battery saver app and it's really effective, really saving battery. The task killer has this automatic optimizer, which makes it better than Clean Master.

I also erased Simple mp3 downlader. Don't get me wrong, it's really a great app, i just think that i don't use it often and i'm lessening my apps. I don't download songs that much and i think i could handle doing so in my netbook, and i have 180+ songs, i don't need to discover new songs everyday.

That's all that i changed since my last post. Here are my other apps:

1. 4 Pics 1 Word - a great game which makes your brain function. More like a brain exercise, yet entertaining. Other brainy games are boring, this one is not.

2. Candy Jewels - since i couldn't download the famous "Candy Crush" (it's free but it says that it isn't compatible with my device. aww), i looked for an alternative and settled for it. It's entertaining also, the game's concept is also the same, both uses candies, and what else... Well i just want candy crush. But there's no candy crush. So this is what i downloaded. Aww again.

3. Hill Climb Racing - i like this game, i played this before i got my new phone in my sister's tablet. I enjoyed it and i'm so glad that there's an android version of the game so i downloaded it without a second thought.

4. Word Search - this word search is cool, not so boring, words are difficult and finding it is hard, but all in all, enjoyable.

5. Dolphin Mini Browser - many people said that this is the best browser out of all the browsers out there, and i think it's cool, fast, and you could add tabs. I actually erased the Facebook app that i downloaded before 'coz i thought it will be a waste of space since i have a good browser already, that could bring me to the FB site in the same format.

6. Twitter - i love twitter, i need this app. I'm a bit twitter addict, and this is my portal through fangirling world. I need a faster access and i don't want using the Dolphin browser 'coz i want this sky blue bird to have his own space in my phone. He's special so he's like treated as a VIP than any other social media sites.

7. Facebook Messenger - this is really convenient, since communication is important to me. And it's just more useful than the Facebook app itself. Also, the emoticon stickers are sooooo cute :">

8. Smart App Protection - this app locks specific applications. I didn't put a password on my whole phone, i just lock some apps. And no, i didn't put a password in my inbox.

9. A+ Time Table - i just thought i'll be needing this, since i have a complex schedule in college and being in this techy generation, i think i need this app. I downloaded a school helper app before but it's complicated. I actually just downloaded it today and i'm not yet opening the application, so i still don't know if i'll keep it.

10. Zombie Smasher - a game that i also downloaded today, still not checking it out. I'm just bored lately and i think a game would do the trick.

Also, when the WiFi is open, i always have this urge to open the google play store. I love shopping for apps though i delete some eventually. My friend once said that it's addicting and fun, and i was a bit excited too when i first got my phone. I'm starting to be a little bit carefree in my phone, since i realized that phone's are meant to fall some time.

The first fall was when i enrolled and it fell in the school i'm going to in college. It really pissed me because my phone is inside this cellphone holder and it has a string attached to it. I was holding the string then the holder suddenly fell. I'm not using that cellphone holder until now.

The second fall of my phone was severe, i was in the stairs and talking to my bestfriend and i skipped a step 'coz i didn't saw it and the phone fell from my hand. The worst part is it jumped from step to step, so it's really a bad fall. Like it fell again and again and again. Don't wanna talk about the rest.

I really hate it. And since my phone experienced the second fall, i became a bit of carefree. But i'm feeling guilty 'cos my mom said that i shouldn't let my phone fall and i never mentioned the two falls that my phone had experienced.

This is it for today. Too much of remembering the phone aches. Haha !

What's in my phone? -- Best apps for me

Aloha ! :D

I've been enjoying my new cellphone, it's like i'm truly living my teenage dream (about having a cellphone like that. of course i have bigger dreams).

The phone's great, i'm installing apps like cray cray. Some are games, but i also don't forget those apps that'll make my phone better. If you just got your android phone or iphone, i suggest that you should download these apps :

*I can't believe i'll say things like this, just want to give you guys some tips from my own experience! I've seen a lot of blogs that talks about how to do these and that, and i want to do something like that too. Sort of like that*

These apps are all free. Since i'm not the type of girl who will pay for apps. Be convenient. There are apps that gives you best service but free. These are all downloaded from Google play store.

1. Avast Anti Virus
- i could say that this app is really useful. It automatically scans a new downloaded app and when you delete something, it automatically scans the SD card too. This will keep your phone free from virus, you don't have to worry.

2. Merriam-Webster Dictionary
- there are many dictionary apps, as well as anti virus apps. But what helps me pick the one that i will download is the number of people who downloaded it, the rating, and the reviews (yes, i read some reviews). Of course, it's easier to trust apps that are proven and tested and used by many. So back to the dictionary, i really need a dictionary, and i think everyone should have this app too. You'll learn new words everyday and you'll easily get the meaning of a certain word you don't understand with the help of this app.

3. Daily Bible
- i've actually downloaded a bible before this, but it doesn't work without internet. As much as possible, we should download apps that will work even without the internet so we could use it anywhere (if you're practical like me). So this new bible that i installed is really really great, it works even w/o internet and the best part is, it gives a bible verse everyday! This app will bring you closer to God, and we should not forget Him even if our generation is becoming techy.

4. Flashlight + LED
- i just need a flashlight. I often use a flashlight because i stay late at night and i go out in the bedroom to get something to eat or to go to the bathroom. So i need a flashlight because i'm nocturnal. LOL. Well, this app is great, it also comes with a warning light, police light, a light bulb and a color light. It has different kind of lights, so i'm impressed, 'coz i thought it's just a flashlight.

5. Du Battery Saver
- this app is a must have for every android phone. Since android phones consume a lot of battery, it has a short life. Meaning, you have to charge it every once in a while because the battery drains very fast. This app is obviously a battery saver, to help your phone consume less energy and it gives reminders every time you charge. It also has an optimizer, which is like a "refresh button" in a computer. But honestly, i still charge my phone everyday. If you have no battery saver app, you're battery will drain very fast, and if you have your battery will just drain fast. Haha. I'm actually going to research something about 'how to lengthen your battery life in an android phone' after i finish this. It has a lot of features, and so many to discuss, i'll go to the next one.

6.Clean Master
- this app is also like a refresher for your phone. It clears the cache easily and you could uninstall apps easily in here. It saves your memory and it deletes unusual files automatically, with your permission of course.

7. Simple mp3 downloader
- this actually works and is really convenient. I'm glad i found this app because my way of downloading songs is through this netbook, and then i have to bluetooth the song in my phone. Now, with this app, downloading song is just a click away using my phone. I actually downloaded only one song (so far) using this app, Who Says by Selena Gomez and the Scene. I'm watching this variety show and i liked the song and search it on google using the lyrics which i remember and then i found it. I didn't expect the app will work, thought it was a crappy app again, but it worked and i'm so happy. This is a must-have also.

8. Photo Grid
- i don't take a lot of selfies but i like taking pictures of anything with a common sense, so i think i need a collage maker and this is actually great. It is fast and the frames are cute, though it doesn't have a feature that will able you to edit your pic, unlike Picsart. I downloaded that app but eventually uninstalled it because some features require internet and it's annoying, also it's kinda slow. So i stick to Photo Grid and it's very okay with me since i'm not so fond of taking pics and edit it :) It works w/o internet.

9. FanFiction
- this is the best app ever (for me) since i'm a reader and a fangirl at the same time. This is where i read fanfics, which i mentioned in my past posts. Before having my phone, i already read fics and to be honest, this is one of the reasons why i bought a new phone -- an android one. So i can have access to fanfiction without needing internet and without opening my netbook. There are times that i just want to read and i have to open the WiFi and the netbook and sit properly because that's the only way to have access. I though that if i have an android phone i could download an app and read through it without all of these hassle. And now i'm so happy that i could do it. I could stay up all night and finish a new story easily. This is one of the reasons i'm really really happy. Another dream come true, actually. It also doesn't require internet, though you have to download the certain story that you want in order to read it w/o net. And downloading is not a problem because it's FAST. I'm so happy when i learned about this i want to cry.

10. Countries of the World
- i just think that i need to study geography more and i really have an interest learning about the different countries like their capital and where it is located, since i was a kid. I read the back of maps and my father will ask me the capital of this country and i could answer it. I think i need to bring that back and i could with this app :) it also works without internet connection :)

So that's it for today! i think this is the longest post that i made in my entire life. Haha ! I have many more apps about social media and games but i decided to tackle those in my next post. This is too long already and my fingers hurt !

Just wanna say that i downloaded viber also, but i found out it needs internet connection to both people who wants to talk or text. Not convenient at all.

Hope you enjoy reading and 'till next time!

Off topic: I just got enrolled yesterday! I'm so excited for college!

My new phone

Hello guys!

I'm happy tonight 'coz i already got my new phone :)
Yep :) After all these years! Haha! I've waited so long and now, i have it in my hands :)
It's not an Iphone and it's not expensive. It only costs less than Php5000 but greater than Php4500. I don't know the exact price. I forgot. Haha :)

So i'll be checking on my phone every now and then because it's new and i'm excited to use it :) I'm just all smiles tonight and i don't want to think of negativity.

My new phone is a Samsung Galaxy Y S5360. I'm not from a wealthy family, so i'm happy with that kind of cellphone already (some of you might think that that's so cheap, that's so last last year, or anything, but i don't care). I'm happy with this. I'm really grateful and blessed, and i thank my mother a lot for buying me this (my father also) and the Lord God for having a dream come true. Purchasing this phone is really something i dreamed about, and it came true, so i'm just so thankful :) We should be thankful for all the blessings, no matter how small or big it is.

The picture's from google, obviously. It really looks like this. I mean, the color, it's black and gray on the back. My mom also bought a screen protector (which i didn't expect), a silicone (to protect it's back and to protect it from falling), and a pouch where i could put it. It's really a complete package :)

Just wanna share my happiness to you guys. I also want to write when i'm feeling sad, angry, or when i feel  other powerful emotions, because it feels good to blurt out your feelings to someone, or something. Lol.

That's it for today. I'll post soon :)

I'm gonna start downloading songs and i'm going to see what my blog looks like in my new phone !

Thanks for reading :D

Veronika McBerry

Okay. No Maddie Hollyberry anymore. After i post my last post in here, i decided to take a bath. And while cleansing my body, my brain also cleansed. And i'm sticking to my name.

Hi! My name is Veronika. Well, not really Veronika, but it sounds like that. I just changed the spelling of my real name to make my pen name a little bit different. So if you're smart enough, you'll notice what i did there ;)

Veronika McBerry. This is so me. This is close to my name. And i decided to be a little bit true to myself, to my blog... Because one day, i might want to own this using my real name.

Stick to it. Veronika McBerry.

I think it's very European, like a Bulgarian name. 

The chosen name

Heyyyyy there people :D

Okay. I'm back.
I'm actually been mentally tortured for the past 3 days, i think. And it is because of the effin pen name. I SWEAR IT'S A HEADACHE. I consulted many of my friends, yahoo answers, baby names, anagrams, different types of name genrator, etc. just to help me think of a unique pen name that has a connection with my real name. But i think i failed.

Maddie Hollyberry. This is what i chose after years of thinking. It sounds cute, right? Hihi :3

Actually, i'm thinking of using my real first name, but i think it's too long. It has four syllables and i believe that a pen name should be easy to remember and i think if i used my real name, it'll be hard for readers to remember me, or my writings. Sooooo, i came up with a two-syllable name. It is from the name Madison, which i really really like, but i think my name will be too long if i used it because i already chose a long surname,  Hollyberry :)

Imagine, Madison Hollyberry. Too long, right? Maddie Hollyberry sounds better.

I missed posting in my blog! I promised to myself i will not post anything until i came up with a pen name and i didn't expect that i'll think of a name for three days. I'm such a perfectionist. What really made it hard for me to decide is the uniqueness. I want it to be popular, easy to remember, but unique. I want it to be the only one. And everytime i search this certain name that i like to use a pseudonym, there are numbers of people who already own this name.

I hope you like it guys :) I'm sick of Chreesett Asseyist. Though i love it also, it's been a part of this blog :)
It's just hard to spell and a lot of reasons which i don't want to elaborate.

I'll post again soon. :D
If there are any readers out there, comment what you think of my new pen name.

Thinking of a pen name

Hey there people.

I'm sick of Chreesett Asseyist as my pen name. I just realized that i'm using a pen name or pseudonym a few moments ago. I don't know that using other names to hide your identity is called like that, so.... I'm thinking of changing it and add a touch of my real name in it.

I'm currently looking over the net and using some anagram sites to help me create a name that is good to hear, easy to remember, and a bit of "me."

Yep, i'm having a hard time. Believe it or not, i've been thinking about this the whole day but until now, i don't know my pen name yet.

This is what I have

Hello people :)

This is me, currently confuse. Should i create a tumblr?
Yes, i'm fangirling over vampires and i just can't simply put all the pictures of them that i adore here in blogspot and post one paragraph explaining why i love stefan salvatore and everything, because i made this blog for long posts. And twitter could not handle dramas like that because of its 140 characters limitation in every tweet.

To sum it up, sometimes i think twitter is not enough to express somethings i want to say and blogspot on the other hand, is too much.

So i guess i'll be creating a tumblr at the end of the day, to satisfy my cravings. LOL.

But i still wouldn't forget about my blogspot of course :) even if there's no one interested to read my posts, but me ! Haha :D

And btw, when i searched about "blogspot or tumblr" on twitter (yes, i sometimes search topics there to know the ideas of people about it, or what people's gonna say about it) and many of them said that tumblr is better than blogspot and there's this wordpress that is not familiar to me. I even read a tweet saying that blogspot is so 2003. But i don't care. I think blogspot is more formal than tumblr. I don't know if the word formal is the right word to use in that statement, though.

What i see in blogspot is there are more writings, and in tumblr, there are more pictures. I think blogspot is really for essay and tumblr is for pics (is it really, or it is just me?).

Most of the blogspot accounts that i had visit are about fashion, about style, their #OOTDs. And my blog, this blog, is NOT about that, obviously. Sure, maybe if i have cool clothes and i know how to rock the runway or make the boys turn their heads to me when i'm walking at the mall, i would have been a fashion blogger who posts every picture of her outfit that deserves 100 likes on facebook because of it's fashion sense. But i'm not. I don't have that much clothes, you know. I blog what i have, what i can give. And i think that it is my ideas and my thoughts.

But i confess to you, sometimes i envy those girls who poses for the camera, to show the people what are they wearing... :) But i'm okay with what i have. Just like the quote on the left side of my blog says, "Never let the things you want, make you forget, the things you have." I love what i have. This is what i could share with everyone.

I can say that blogging helps me release my emotions brought by the world, by the reality of my life. I don't have my bestfriend in here, so this is the best idea to say what you wanna say.

Blogspot, i'm just going to fangirl in Tumblr. Don't you worry.

What keeps me busy

It's been a while. I've decided that i'll post every after 2 days. So here it is.

What's keeping me busy these days?
My summer's kinda okay so far. The thrill and the real "summer" is on in its way on me. The climax of my summer 2013 is yet to come, and i'm looking forward to it. But right now, i'm keeping myself happy and not so bored, by reading fan fictions, obviously about The Vampire Diaries -- well, not exactly about it, but the characters in it. I won't give the site. Hihi :3 If you are interested to know, comment below :)

I already read many stories, and when i say many, it means i don't know the exact count of the stories i had read but i know there are more than 10 but less than 100. Haha!

Sometimes i read one-shot (one chapter) stories, and i am recently reading a fanfic with 43+ chapters. I'm amazed how a story makes me feel something, like i'm so connected with the story. I wish i could write a great story, but i don't think it's my forte. I actually envy the authors of the awesome fanfics that i have read, and some stories do actually deserve to be published as a book, and i will totally buy it.

I'm a bit of a bookworm, and i never imagine myself reading love stories before. But because of my OTP (one true pairing) i can't believe that i'm actually enjoying romance stories. However, i only read fics like that IF they (the TVD casts, esp. my OTP) were the main characters.

This is it for today, gotta start reading :) I actually go to bed at 3 am, because of my reading :)
Btw, my blog has now 200 views ! And i think 50 of that views are from me. Seriously.

Reasons why i'm happy today

Hello there people :)
It's been 2 days since my last post... I'm just soooo lazy to write and i'm busy fangirling over you-know-who.
I'm happy right now (i'm happy always) but my level of happiness today is greater than the other days. I just had a fab day with my friend and my mom. It's all good vibes, but there's this scene and i don't wanna talk about it (but i brought it up.lol) and let's just focus on what am i going to talk about right now.

I'm going to show you my nails !! My fingers are newly manicured and yeah, i think this is why i'm happier this day :D My sister got her nails done up and down, and they are cute, i may say. My mom got her toenails done and they're beautiful also (she didn't had manicure because she's doing house chores and basically, it will eventually be ruined, so there's no point-- that's her reason). SO i was envied. I want gorg nails too, and that's how i got my nails done :)

It's just my finger nails, btw. I didn't managed to let the manicurist give me some pedicure service (omg pedicure service--what kind of term is that! sorry guys, i don't know how to say it. English is not my mother tounge) because i'm wearing rubber shoes that time. So it's just my fingernails that were happy, not my toenails --- they're probably mad at me (they do all the walking, but i don't get to beautify them. Yes, ikr, feet do the walking BUT the toenails are part of the feet so STFU.) FYI, i do some house chores in our house, but not so severe (severe? yes, severe) and it's cute when i see my fingernails typing on the keyboard and they're beautiful, it makes me smile :)

Here is the photo :

Sorry for the quality of the picture.. I'm just using the webcam. (poor me) I edited it a little, so it will not look so pixelated, just added some brightness and deepen the color. No, it's not blue. It's light purple with glitters. It looks like blue, maybe because of the lighting, but i repeat, it's light purple WITH GLITTERS. #capslocktodeath

And another addition to my happiness is this :

Yes. I'm happy because of a lip balm. ---But first, i have to say SORRY FOR THE BAD EDIT peeps! It's ugly, i know, but i did not notice that it's this ugly when i saved it. Sorry. My bad. The effect in that photo is antique that's why it has that black something in there. It looks yucky, ikr. --- And back to my happiness. The picture up there is not just a lip balm, it's the first-ever makeup that i have purchased in my sixteen years of existence here on earth (yes, i'm already 16. Woohoo! another info! but no one's interested. boo).

I'm not yet testing it, but i'll keep you posted on what it tastes like (yes, it's obviously watermelon flavor, but is it a delicious watermelon? or does it really tastes like watermelon? maybe it tastes like banana) or how does it feel like (haha XD) when i apply it to my lips. I bought it today, when me and my mom is buying groceries. I'm in line to pay, then i saw a Maybelline lip balm and the design is cute, and i think i should really have a lip balm because my lips are dry and chapped 'coz it's hot (summer time). But that Maybelline one is a little bit expensive (i know! lip balms are cheap compare to other make-up products, but we're buying what we need first, and i already put two small packs of marshmallows and a small size blueberry Duch Mill in our basket, and a pack of green peas kind of juck food which i eventually did not take for the sake of my lip balm to be purchased -- i think i'm asking too many for my mom so i settled for the cheaper one) and luckily i saw another kind of lip balm, which is a Careline product (i first saw the Maybelline lip balm). And that's the one i purchased.

My post for today is a bit longer than usual, i think. Well because i didn't post for 2 days and i have a lot to share to you guys, so this is it.

I'm going to post something about my obsession with parentheses and my dislike to long reading materials some other time.

This is all for today!
Thank you :)

My heart's Anthem, My day's Light

Had a rough day today. There's so much i want to talk about but i know that in writing an essay, there should be a one topic that you'll put your focus into (i don't know if that rule is also applicable in blogging though). My past posts were like two topics in one essay, because words just pop in my brain and i'm like "oh, i have to tell them this" or "oh, i really want to write about this" or "this is a great subject this deserves to be written" --- something like that. So yeah, that's the reason (if you could notice) why at first i'm talking about this and then the next paragraph, i'm talking about that -- i tend to shift topics unknowingly.

I am about to be negative in this post, BUT watching the Anthem Lights (a Christian band) just gave me good vibes !!!! So i decided not to talk about how bad my day is, but rather, i'll post a cover of Anthem Lights and discuss a little about them.

They don't just do a cover of a song. They make it BETTER, in my opinion of course. Every cover that they do, i think, it is better than the original one. (I also like Boyce Avenue, btw.)

I love watching them sing, it's like i'm not contented on just hearing their voices. It's like watching a music video, it looks amazing, and you could see in their faces that they're enjoying and they love what they're doing (besides the fact that they are ALL HANDSOME).

Forgot to mention, the band consists of four members, namely Chad Graham, Caleb Grimm, Alan Powell, and Joey Stamper <3 . I actually idolize all of them, they're voices are heaven in my ears, the blending also is perfect !!! They're my favorite band :) They're just so.... so..... They're superb! They also have their original songs, and mind you, they are Christian songs :) They worship God so much (based on my observation).

Here's a picture of them :

From left to right: Alan Powell, Caleb Grimm, Joey Stamper & Chad Graham <3

--how's that for a caption ? ;)
(my post today is full of hearts because of them, just wanna clear, it's not Valentine's day)

And this is their video (for me, this is they're best cover ever and the best mash-up that i've heard in my whole life):

You've gotta watch it !

For the last part, i created a youtube channel (it's connected with google) so that i could comment and like their videos ;)

P.S. Caleb is following me on my personal twitter account!!! Not sure how's that happened but i don't care!!! It's a virtual miracle :D
#imjustsohappy

Change for the Better

Heyy there people !!!!
I just want to share to you guys how happy i am with my blog :)
I'm so proud to say that i made it by myself, i discovered everything by myself and with the help of google support, because i always ask for how to this how to do that. And i tell you, google support is VERY helpful.

I changed my name to Chreesett (pronounciation: kriset) because my blog's title is changed also, from The Silent Essayist to The Secret Essayist . I think it sounds better than the first one. So as i mentioned earlier, everything i make up should always be connected to avoid mess. So from Sentthile (rumble of The Silent) i change it to Chreesett (rumble of The Secret) which is also i think that so much better than the first one.

I believe that every change is for the better in every ways :) Even on blogs :)

The Second Major Change

Okay! I'm done with the MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR (x10) change in my blog !!!

Honestly, i think the first major change that i had done in my page (which is about the admin of this blog) is more on the inside (ex. for a person, it's his character) and this second major change is like the physical appearance.

I super duper like my new theme and i'm again proud of myself for being able to beautify my blog. I just discovered about the layout lately and i had fun adding gadgets on the side. You can see there my favorite quotations and the pic of my boyfriend (hahahahahaah XD that's obviously a joke), Paul Wesley. Yes, i'm obsessed with him. *fangirl mode*

I'm gonna show you my past blogspot theme, for those who have no idea what i'm talking about in my last post. (though i'm pretty sure that all of you are clueless 'coz i think i still have no permanent readers in here)
Here it is:

So...See what i mean?

It's kinda manly, and i don't like it. I just didn't know how i did not realize it before.

Even so, in my new background, you can easily tell that the owner is a girl (obviously, i'm a girl) and i think what i had mention in my last post about my ideal theme does describes this. 

I also think that one could easily say that this blog is more on posting essays (if you pretend not to look at the title) by just looking at the theme.

Because there are themes that are created based on the purpose (food, advertising, magazines, about works, girly stuff, nature, fashion, etc.) and i feel (feel, really) that the one who designed this theme created this for personal blogs focusing on essays.

Bye for now, i spent a lot of hours just by picking this perfect theme for my blog and my eyes kinda hurt now. I'm also not yet taking a bath (i'm admitting this) and it's already past 6pm, i'm also hungry already.

I'll try to post again later :)

Bye for now :)

Thanks !!

Blogger Themes Hunter

Hey guys :)

I'm currently looking for a new theme/background for my blog.. I just realized that the title is kinda screaming, and the whole page is kinda masculine, except for my pic (i'm gonna write a post about it later) and my posts are definitely not sooooo manly.

I'm having a hard time what to pick, actually. I want it to be simple, comfortable-looking, clean, and a little bit feminine and mature.

Still, i don't want to look at the sites where there are gazillions of themes, 'coz it will complicate my head.
I'm looking at the site http://www.bloggerthemes.net and i hope i find what i'm looking for.

I'll post again later, after i change my background ;)
Thanks :)

Bloody Addiction

Ahoy there :D
As  usual i'm a happy pea :3

I've already wrote 7 posts, and i just realized yesterday, that the indicated time posted in there are all wrong. I don't know how it happened, or how i didn't realized it earlier, and also, i don't know how to set it correctly. It's okay, i don't mind the time though.

I can tell you today that i'm not posting at midnight. It's actually past five o'clock in our country. So it's a new thing :)

Anyways, this is the moment some of you (if there are some) have been waiting for. I'm going to post a random pic! Well, it's not just a random pic for me. It's something about myself, something that will tell you about what i like in this world :)

You guys know them? Well it's Candice Accola and Paul Wesley from The Vampire Diaries !
I'M ACTUALLY ADDICTED TO THE VAMPIRE DIARIES.
There, i said it. ;)

It's just a simple picture but eventually, i'm gonna post gorgeous ones ^_^
I super LOVE Caroline (Accola) and Stefan (Wesley), their characters in TVD !

So this is a bit of me, i think i will talk a lot about my addiction here in my blog :) They're amazing people even though i haven't met them yet :) I will eventually post other pics of the characters i love (i love all of the cast, but my love for the two of them is bigger than anyone in the show).

However, i'll not explain the story to you, if you don't know it. You can Google it, definitely, you'll understand the explanation of other people from the web than in my own (lol).

Just want you to know that i started being addicted to TVD by watching them in Youtube only and then reading the story in their site :) And then i eventually watched them on TV, but just once! (or twice, but it's not finished).. And then i just know that i'm already hooked up in the story!

Maybe i'm gonna post again later :)
Bye for now!
Thanks!

Major, major Change

Hey guys !
So this is the MAJOR CHANGE that i've done in my blog. I'm changing the admin of this blog, but it's still me. I'm just changing the ACCOUNT where you can contact me or the one that appear below the "About Me" section of this blog. I'm doing this to have peace for myself (haha, but seriously, yes) so that everything's that i made-up is connected (i'm referring to the name) and not messed up.

I've said before to one of my posts here that i don't want any mess in my life or in virtual life. I'm still the same blogger from the account courtney montez, i just don't want to use that name again (though i explained already why i had chosen it) because i don't feel comfortable using other people's name.

There are more than 7 billion people in this world and i know one (or two, or more) of them names Courtney Montez.

While doing the process, i've read this out of scanning the google terms:

Impersonation is a serious issue. Pretending to be someone else could cause your profile to be deleted. If someone is pretending to be you, go to their profile and click Report this profile.

^ And that scared the crap out of me.

I just want to clean everything up, that's why i created a gmail account named after my blog.
And as you can see, you'll notice that my new made up name is "Sentthile Asseyist" (which is very very very unique! i'm proud of myself that i thought of it, i think it's a brilliant name) which is when you mix the letters of  my blog's title "The Silent Essayist" you'll get that name. So that's where it came from.

As for the email of my new gmail account, it's secludedidentity@gmail.com, which is also the same as the URL of this site.

I think what i've done for the past 2-3 hours cleaned up my sort of mess in this virtual world. I know it's not a big deal, but i'm a perfectionist, so that's why. :)

I'm going to delete already the courtney montez account that i made up. And this'll be the only and official admin of this blog.

The remnants (remnants, really.) of courtney montez in this blog will remain though:

Photos uploaded with Account 1 will break if that account is deleted. If you want your old photos to display after adding Account 2, you'll have to leave Account 1 active.

Obviously, the courtney is the Account 1 and the second is this new one. Remember i posted a pic yesterday? (that's my first ever and it's epic fail) I think i have to delete the post "Bloody Addiction" if the picture will be gone. Good thing that's the only pic that i've posted so far. Everything really has a reason!

So i'm gonna do it now, post again later!
Thanks !

My visually new blog

Hello guys :)
If you had seen the first look of my blog (my first few weeks in here) you would notice that i changed my background and the title of my blog.

I had a hard time looking for the right background for my blog. I'm a little bit perfectionist when it comes to things that i own or rule. Also, the changing of my background was kind of challenging because sometimes the format doesn't fit perfectly or appear correctly. It looks like crap.

What i first picked is this design that is very alive. I actually tried a lot of different backgrounds, but it doesn't look good when i saved it in my page. This "desk" background looks great for me, as i wanted my page to be simple, yet not boring. I tend to go to simpler things than colorful ones. I believe that simplicity is beauty ;)

Anyways, lately, i was about to settle in a notepad-style background but the date and time of my posts aren't  fitted in the theme. I don't know how to explain it, but it doesn't look good, it's messy. So when i changed it to this, everything fitted well, and i must say, i like the design. Hope you guys like it too :)

I'm the type of person who has a side to be different and i don't really settle for commonality (is there such a word? if none, hope you know what i mean by that). So i tried to look for exotic ones (but no so, really) and i guess i succeeded.

As for the title, i got it from the name of a background when i was searching lately. It is called "essayist" and it is very very simple, nearly plain, but classy. And then, immediately, a light bulb popped in my head and then i said to myself, 'why not try to use that word?' It sounds cool and unique. Also, almost all of the blogs i knew has a different site name and title to their blog. So i thought, that's a rule or something, so i went with the flow.

To be honest, i think the title "The Secret Essayist" is better than my previous title. Though i didn't changed my site name, but i attempted to, i just thought that i already got used to it and i don't wanna change it anymore (i want to remember how i started and that's the only symbol of my beginning since i changed a lot of details, visually).

So here's for a new change :) Hope you like it, 'coz i love it !
Thanks for reading!

The history of the name

Yep. I often write late at night. (is the grammar correct? for the sake of rhyming, i did that. poetry license will do the trick. if you know what i mean, though i'm not writing a poem right now.)

Sometimes i think i'm the only one who understands myself... That's kinda sad, but i think it's true and i have to accept it. (lol. too much drama)

Anyways, the real purpose of my posting right now is to tell you guys that the Gmail account that i'm using to write in this blog is fake. I mean, the name is fake. It's just a made-up name, totally not my real name. And the reason for it is i know you already know, i kept on repeating it on my past write-ups in here (read it, if you haven't yet), and also, the title and the greeting? What should we call the text below the title of my blog? Well, whatever it is, it also explains the reason.

You may be asking, why Courtney Montez? Well, i just thought that "Courtney" is a beautiful, yet common name. I don't want it to be obvious that it's me (though i don't know how will that happen) so i picked a common name that no one will suspect of me. It is very safe. And "Montez" because of Gabriela, the girl in High school Musical. Her surname is Montez (for those who don't know, but i doubt that 'coz it's popular way back years ago). I liked her when i was a girl, ages 10-13, i think. Also, when i create characters in the Sims (a game) i'm fond of using her name. So i think i was just get used to it that's why i picked it.

The name's really not a big deal, just want to create an explanation out of it.

And i know a blog without a picture is boring. i know.. But i'll never post a pic of myself here, just so you know, and i think no one's interested to see who's the owner of this blog (huhu). However, i'll post a pic of something in here. Things i like, amazing pictures or quotations, pics of my crushes (owyeah \m/ though they are celebs), random stuffs, etc. So maybe one of these days i'll post one.

After typing some of my thoughts, i felt relieved. :)
This is it for today. Sorry, wasn't able to post yesterday and the other day, i think.
I see, i kinda can't live in my promise that i'll post everyday. Some promises are really made to be broken..(but i didn't mean it)
Bye :)
'till next time ! Thank you !

Long-time Delay

....
....
When was the last day i posted a blog?
Yeah..' can't remember either... Sorry for not posting for so long.. I know i promised in my first ever post that i will manage to put up something everyday..

I think i'm a bit lazy on doing it, 'coz you know, writing requires a mood. If you're in the mood to write, then there's no problem. The ideas will overflow and everything will be okay (haha). So you can say that in the past few days, i'm not in the mood to write.

I also think that i'm busy, though i'm not doing anything. I'm always in the house (inside the bedroom, specifically) but i can't find time. Sometimes i'm reading tweets, or i'm looking at my Facebook, or reading fanfics (i like to read fictions), or books.

Lately, i just finished Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist and it is an amazing book. Very well written. It's beyond great ! It becomes one of my faves after i finished reading it. i just borrowed it to my close friend/ former classmate (as much as i wanted to shoutout her name, i can't because everything in me is secluded..y'know.).

 I know that nobody is still reading anything in here and it's okay. I realized that the reason i'm doing this is because it's for my own good. For myself. I'm the one who wanted to blurt out what i want to and this is my way. Having readers is just a plus to your happiness you get from blogging. I'm doing this because for myself, not for the readers or anyone out there, so i think there's no reason if no one reads your blogs.

I don't think i'll make this post long, i'll just post a new one :) Because really, i'm having a hard time intending the right or fitted title for my posts. If i discussed a lot of different topics in here, there'll be a lot of  "/" signs in the title.

Bye for now :) I'll post again soon :)
Thank you !
VAs, VAs, where art thou?

$#@%^&! %^$#*@!

I'm angry. I'm super angry actually, at this very moment. I just experienced a very very embarrassing experience done to me by an unexpected person but i''m sure though, if he's in his right state of mind, he'll not do it.

I want to curse him and cry out loud but i didn't do any of  the two. I just went with the flow. It happened lately and i don't want to elaborate it.

I just want to say that i'm angry, because they don't know. No one knows. Just me and you (if there's someone reading this) .

This will be memorable, i assure you. I don't easily forget scenarios, especially when it's like this. It's a complete bullshit. Sorry for the word, but i have to release this anger, or else i'll explode here soon.

I can't easily forget this. I'll hide this and bring this for a long time.

Blogging: Level 1 / Be my VA !

Hello there everyone :)

Sorry i wasn't able to post yesterday (though i don't know if i'm responsible on saying "sorry" because i don't think i owe it to someone, considering the fact that i have no readers..buhuhuhu).

Oh well, just wanna say sorry.

Let's just say that the reason behind this is internet connection problem. I'm having trouble with the WiFi yesterday. Even today, because the signal couldn't reach my room and i'm in my room all day long. I have to go to the living room just to have an internet.. So currently, i'm in the living room right now to post a blog.

Yeah it sucks, 'coz i want to get all cozy on the bed with my netbook on my lap, surfing the internet. But i can't because of the reason above.

Anyways, just want to share with you guys (hello passers-by!! please read and comment in my blog!!) that i tried creating a tumblr account.. I'm kinda into blogging right now.. And i still think that blogging in tumblr is better than here in blogspot. BUT (a big but -- no green minded please) it's too COMPLICATED for me! Ughh.. At first i'm excited and all, but when i got to the settings and everything, i thought that it's too perplexed (another word for complicated coz i hate redundancy). The design and everything are a bit confusing, though i really want to have a tumblr account. I saw/know a lot of blogs in tumblr and i love it, i adore it, i really like it. So i was kinda envious to also have something like that.

But still, i didn't pushed it, i erased the account that i created. I don't want mess (accounts that i know i created but i'll not use-- i refer to that as a mess). I think blogspot is okay for me, since i'm a starter and i don't have readers YET (coz i'm hoping that someday someone will tripped on this page and read and comment in my posts..i'm patiently waiting for that virtual angel).

Still, i'll continue to read and admire the blogs in tumblr that i like the most. I just look at it as a higher level of blogging. Like for example, having an account in blogspot is level 1 blogging and an account in tumblr is level 2. But i'm NOT under estimating the power or the degree of blogging here at blogspot.. There are blogs here also that i like, and the blog that inspired me to create my own is a page here in blogspot. So yeah, i like it in here :) it's just my opinion between the two ^_^

So i think i already said a lot :)

Maybe this is my give back for not posting yesterday :)

Hope you guys enjoyed reading this and please, please comment! Good or bad i'll accept it! Just want to know if the virtual angel (<< i'll use VA to abbreviate this, since i'll be using the words often ) that i've been waiting already arrived! Be one of my VAs! Advance thank you !

Vanishing-Memory Phenomena

Okayyy :)
So I was in the bathroom (taking a bath, of course) thinking of what i'm going to post next. Random stuffs immediately ran to my brain. You should post about this, you should post about that, and this and that (i suddenly remember the demonstrative pronoun).

And now i forgot everything that i just thought about posting several minutes ago. I know, this not just happens to me, coz i saw a post on Facebook saying the same thought and it got a lot of likes (meaning, many people also experience what i just experience). I also experience this when answering questions specifically on autograph books. We all know that there are questions there about your favorites (movies, foods, celebrity, songs, singer) and when i'm about to answer that question i can't remember anything suddenly. I have to think hard to remember what's my favorite movie and i know deep inside i have a lot of. But no words are popping in my head.

And the weirder thing is, when i don't think of something, i suddenly remember and recollect about all of my favorites and at that point i'm sure i can write a long list of it.

It really annoys me when i experience that kind of.... phenomena? I don't know what you call that but i think it's normal to normal people (yes, normal people -- coz those abnormal people that i'm pointing out right now is those who take supplements that enhances their memory).

I think this is all for the day. I'm setting a limit to myself about blogging. It should be 1 post per day. :)
And if i'm in the mood and there are a lot of ideas in my head i may post 2 or 3 or 4 or whatever :)

If you like what i write or if you don't please post a comment. I want to know if there's someone reading my posts in this baby blog. Though i don't expect that someone will.. (HAHA!) Just let me know. ;)
Thanks!

Hello to Me

Hi ! I'm obviously a new blogger in here.. I don't expect to have many readers (i kinda expect that no one will be interested in reading my blog, but it's okay with me.) I just want to express what my brain says, or what i think. I have a wild imagination and i want to tell someone about it.. And because i don't have that "someone" in real life, my virtual life will be the answer. That's why, this is created.

I know, i'm bad at explaining things like this.. Words and ideas just pop out in my head and what comes into my mind is what my fingers type in my netbook. Yes, i'm using a netbook.

To introduce myself,..uhm well, i'm probably not introducing myself, that is why the name of my blog is "secluded identity" 'coz i don't want people to know who is the person behind these words. I'll explain the reason why on my next blog :)

This is created on the 26th of March year 2013.. Summer is coming and i'm only at the house with nothing else to do.. You can say that boredom also counts on the reason this is created.

That's all i gotta say for now :)